


Seven Nights with Zuko

by SpamMusubiii



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Family, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mystery, Psychological Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:48:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23957923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpamMusubiii/pseuds/SpamMusubiii
Summary: A long-awaited family reunion reopens healed wounds and unravels deep secrets lurking in the dark corners of the Royal Palace. Meanwhile, Azula is handed down with a responsibility that might completely destroy her for good.
Relationships: Azula & Kiyi (Avatar), Azula & Ursa (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Ursa & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 48





	1. Day's Eye

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I just reposted this story here from FanFiction with a few minor edits. Hope you like it!

She had arrived three hours late when people have already come and gone, but she thanked Agni for it. The idea of people gossiping about their beloved former princess on her first night back in the Fire Nation was the last thing she ever wanted to happen. It has been years since she last stepped foot in this place, and she found it funny how it took this to happen for her to finally come "home."

Her estranged stepsister kindly took the effort to accompany her to the gardens where it was being held. He was right there all alone by himself, just beside the turtle duck pond he was very fond of as a child. Kiyi chose to stay behind while she slowly walked towards him.

From where Azula stood, the scents and colors of a myriad flowers overpowered one another like a riot. The night was tranquil, but the stars and the moon were nowhere to be found. She carefully ran her fingers across the tear-stained glass that separated them both. It felt strange seeing him like this, no one saw it coming.

 _"I'm sorry it has to end this way, brother."_ Her own voice rang through her ears. She remembered those exact venomous words she had used against him before. She thought that maybe it would've been more fitting to say that to him at this very moment.

_"Isn't it obvious? I'm about to celebrate becoming an only child!"_

Perhaps her chest hurt from all of it, she considered the fact that he was her brother too at some point. Later on, she foolishly found herself resorting to plain triviality to drive away those thoughts, but her efforts were futile.

"Kiyi."

"Y-yes?"

"Remove the daisies, please. He doesn't like those." There it was, a sign of weakness that she dreaded so much. Her voice was starting to tremble. So she bit her lip and took a deep breath, trying to hold everything in, trying to keep her composure. She wasn't supposed to care, didn't she? At least they don't expect her to.

"Oh, I never knew that, sorry." Kiyi apologized and picked them up. She decided to keep Azula company.

"You know, it's funny how Zuko tried to get us all together in one place for years, he didn't have to try so hard." Azula remarked.

Kiyi frowned. Spending four hours on that damned airship doing nothing but arguing and throwing insults at one another finally took a toll on both of them.

"Hey, are you okay?" She asked as she gently placed a hand on Azula's shoulder.

She hated hearing that question so much.

"Yes." Her voice cracked, and her once calm expression became a tragic one. It's as if her mind was cut loose. The tears have already welled up, and a weeping Kiyi hugging her from behind didn't help one bit.

But as always, she eventually managed to control it. Azula cried silently, tears have flown freely from that stoic face of hers.

"Let's go inside and get some rest." Azula suggested as she was the first one to eventually get a hold of herself.

Kiyi wiped the remaining tears with the back of her hand and nodded silently. She decided to hold her hand as they both headed back inside. Azula did not refuse.

"Good night, this will pass." Kiyi tightened her grip before letting go. She then retreated back to her room, leaving Azula alone in her bed, vulnerable to her own thoughts.

She had to prepare herself tomorrow. She had to figure out how to explain herself. She'd been formulating potential questions and insults they could possibly throw at her for Agni knows how long.

This was what she wanted after all, didn't she? To be Firelord, that was the endgame. She intentionally killed him at one point for that. People will try to guilt-trip her, that's another. Many would say that she's probably happy about this, to just skip the act and have the throne for herself already.

But she guessed she wanted none of that anymore.

She wandered her eyes around the defamiliarized room where she had spent fourteen years of her entire life in. It quite impressed her that it seemed to be thouroughly kempt despite her eight years of absence. It's as if Zuko actually expected her to come home after all those years, after everything she had done. Well, here she is now.

After pacing back and forth across her room, she decided to take a quick bath before heading to sleep to buy herself more time for about what's to come. Realization hit her harder than expected, and she unconsciously cried some more. Zuko isn't here anymore. He didn't have to try so hard.


	2. Breakfast in Ba Sing Se

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halfway across the globe, Azula gets an unexpected visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are highly appreciated, please let me know what you guys think. I'm trying to portray both Azula and Zuko as adults without making them too "out of character," so please do tell me what do I need to work on/ improve. Also, reviews motivate me a lot. Enjoy! :)

Azula couldn't get herself to sleep. Her thoughts were scattered all over the place. It was still a far cry from morning, so she went down to the royal pantry to keep herself occupied.

She found a jar of chamomile tea leaves inside the cupboard, perhaps this would help. She prepared a pot of water to heat it on the stove. Now where did they keep the matchbox in here?

After a few minutes of going through numerous drawers, she finally found one. She opened it and lit up one of the matchsticks to transfer the fire onto the stove. While waiting for the water to boil, her mind began to gradually drift away. Before she even noticed, she found herself stuck again in that one stupid summer in Ba Sing Se.

* * *

He anxiously waited along the corridor for his turn, tapping his foot repeadtly in efforts to keep himself somehow at ease.

"Mr. Lee?"

His eyes shot up upon hearing the name he wrote on the waitlist. He's been here for almost two hours now, and it has drained his energy enough already.

He slowly walked up to the secretary and kept his head down, careful to keep his hood from falling.

"That's... me." He said covertly.

"I need you to fill out this form for me." The secretary said as she handed him a clipboard and a pen. "And oh, you don't have issues with younger psychiatrists, do you? Usually, patients prefer older ones with experience. Though I can assure you that the one we have in the clinic right now is currently one of our best." She added.

"No, I don't mind..." he replied meekly.

"That's great. You can enter once you're done with the form." The secretary told him.

He forced a courteous smile as he handed the form back to the secretary. His hands were trembling as he was about to turn the door knob. He paused for a while, forced his eyes shut and took heavy breaths before making his way in. He managed to keep his head down as he sat on the chair provided for him.

"Good morning, and you are..." The psychiatrist greeted as she gave the chart a quick scan to confirm his name. "Mr. Lee. My apologies for the long wait, we usually have a huge influx of clients at this time of the day."

That voice was too familiar to him. He knew exactly who it was, but Agni he wished he was wrong. He began fidgeting with the coin inside his pocket. He grew more anxious as his decision oscillated between facing that person and remaining obscure.

After receiving a lack of response, she proceeded to speak.

"I'm here to evaluate you before I recommend you some treatments and medications. So, why don't we start with your primary concern? Why are you here? What do you need help with?"

His fingernails sunk deeper into his palm. His head quickly shot up after making such a rash decision, therefore exposing himself.

Despite recognizing her from the start, he still could not believe whom he just saw.

"Zuko? What... Why are you here?" As much as she was good at hiding it, she could not afford to suppress the shocked look on her face. No, she wasn't mad at his presence. Perhaps she was just stunned to see him in her clinic, of all places, after so long.

"This was a mistake! I never knew you were... nevermind."

He took off all of a sudden, but Azula was adamant to pursue him. She quickly followed him out of the clinic, telling her secretary to have someone fill her position while she was gone. It was a complete breach of the hospital protocols, but she decided that she'll be facing the repercussions for later.

Zuko knew he was being followed, he couldn't care any less. He went straight into a pub, dusk was fast approaching already anyways.

Azula decided to wait outside before confronting him. Things have happened all too fast. She hadn't seen him in years. She neither knew if this was the right time, nor the right place to finally settle things with him. After making up her mind, she finally went in.

"What the fuck was that? How the fuck did you find me?" Having recovered already from the shock earlier, her true feelings about this whole situation began to emerge. She was undeniably angry at him, as it should be.

"What the fuck? I didn't even expect you to be there! You, of all people!" He actually wasn't suprised now, he expected her to come after him.

"But what's going on with you, your majesty?" Azula scoffed before berating him, "For fuck's sake, Zuzu. You're supposed to rule an entire nation!"

As much as she took the effort to keep things professional with her "clients," this was a different case. She admitted it to herself that this was quite difficult to handle. In her three years of experience, she never anticipated any of this. There always has to be a line drawn between your work and your "family."

"Oh give me a fucking break. Just let me live for once!" Agni what is wrong with him? He answered like a child.

"My, my... Language, Zuzu. We're adults now, you're not supposed to handle things like... this. And what if someone recognizes you here?" She chided him with her hand gesturing towards the pile of empty bottles on his table. She only waited outside for about ten minutes, and yet he had finished five bottles already.

Zuko chose to ignore her momentarily, but Azula found herself staying with the slightest hint of hesitation. She even grabbed a bottle of her own.

She's been trying hard to process everything. Seeing Zuko this way, it felt very strange. It was as strange to Zuko seeing her sister as a psychiatrist.

"So, uh... it's been a while... how have you been holding up?" Zuko breathed deeply before chugging down another bottle of rice wine.

Azula raised an eyebrow as his mood suddenly changed. She replied to him sternly. This time, she's speaking to him as she is, neither his sister nor a psychiatrist.

"I'm doing good, better even, without all of you!"

Zuko snickered.

"Oh, is my personal life that funny to you now? Seriously, Zuko. Let's get back to the topic. What the hell is going on with you, what are you doing here?" She spat.

It took him a while to answer that. His mind was clearly clouded from all the alcohol, and he wasn't that comfortable to confront his own sister either. Azula remained patient, eager to find out the truth without an ulterior motive.

He eventually gathered the courage to speak up.

"I just... I fucked up, I guess." He answered, but he became reluctant all of a sudden, forcing him to quickly shut her out.

"Maybe I don't know, I don't find it necessary to tell you." He told her and looked away.

This felt like that one stupid summer in Ember Island all over again.

Azula scoffed, "Okay, fine. I'll refer you to a different psychiatrist if that's what you want. I guess we're done here."

Just when she stood up and was about to leave him, he muttered something under his breath. Although she heard everything clearly.

"You've ignored me over the years and this is what I get."

The audacity, it makes her blood boil.

"I believe I don't owe you an explanation for not answering your letters." She crossed her arms and returned to her seat.

"No, maybe I don't expect you to, all you've ever done is lie to my face anyway."

She barked a humorless laugh at his rebuttal. That was partly true, but he's been really testing the waters here lately.

She continued to explain herself regardless. "As I said, I have a life of my own now. And that 'family alibi' you're using in your letters is really getting old, Zuzu. I've had enough with it! I can't believe you keep on wanting your nutjob of a sister to come home!"

She paused briefly. Her expression gradually softened after her sudden outburst, she found it necessary to control her emotions in order not to attract public attention. As if they weren't attracting attention enough already a few moments ago.

She continued to speak with the slightest hint of resent in her tone. "Do you even remember what I did? What I am? Doesn't that give you the slightest hint to just... abandon me? Do you remember how I kidnapped a bunch of kids and our half-sister to remind you to not turn into him? Which you kind of did by the way.." Her voice began to trail off.

She didn't know where she was going with this, so she quickly scrapped her first premise and continued on with something else, "But that's not the point! You see, I'm better off alone, Zuzu. I was meant to be alone! Let's leave it at that!"

"That's... that's not true... You have to stop blaming yourself for everything! We were all children that time. Here you are reminding me about adulthood and responisibilities when you can't even move forward on your own because you keep yourself chained to your past!" He answered.

"My past is my own business." She emphasized that before continuing, "Agni, you sound just like uncle. And no, this doesn't suit you at all."Azula cringed and sighed in deafeat, forcing her to massage her temples. "Seriously, Zuko. Spare me your lecture and let's get this over with. I'm asking you for the last time, why are you here?"

As a psychiatrist, she knew how to respect her patients' decision of holding back information, especially if they're not comfortable enough yet. So yes, that was going to be her final question, she'll leave him if he doesn't want to. But finally annoyed with all the probing, Zuko blurted out everything in one go.

"I just lost a child, then I lost my wife, and now I think I'm gonna lose my own nation. I didn't know who else to talk to, so I left and I certainly did not expect you to show up in here..." With that, he gulped down some more.

Her eyes grew wider upon hearing that. She swallowed and contemplated for an appropriate response.

"Geez, Zuko. I think you're gonna need more than rice wine for that." That was all she was able to come up with. Yes, she felt bad for him, somehow. But Agni forbid, she's never the type to console people. She didn't even know why she decided to pursue him, she could've just let him go. She never felt that she had a family in the first place, never in her entire life, let alone a sibling. So why acknowledge that now?

Zuko chuckled, "Yeah. Certainly."

"Why don't we go somewhere else? Come with me. It's getting all crowded up in here anyway." She said those words out of pity, nothing more and nothing less.

She took him to the rooftop of Ba Sing Se University, where she had spent most of her time thinking, back when she was just a medical student. The cool breeze accompanied the moonless and starless night.

"Why? Why become a psychiatrist, of all things?" He asked out of the blue.

Azula let out a short laugh, taking a sip of cactus juice as a preparation to answer his question.

"So people wouldn't end up... like me."

"But look at you now..." He muttered.

Azula rolled her eyes and cut him off, "Of course I meant myself from 10 years ago..."

"Well, that and you're good at reading people. Good for you... I'm glad... genuinely glad." He said.

"I also wanted to understand myself better." She added. "All those years of studying, I eventually knew the cause, how to treat it, everything. I'm good now but... something's still missing and I quite don't know what it is."

She paused briefly and sipped some more cactus juice before proceeding, "Also, I kept asking the universe, why me? I meant no offense, but you had uncle and I had nothing but my hallucinations when everything else went to shit."

She knew she has to stop now. She regretted oversharing to him immediately, she just didn't feel like herself when she slips like that. She hated herself more. She felt vulnerable, naked. She grabbed another bottle to drown her whatever she felt, sending them straight down into the drain.

"Hey, I'm... I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. Believe it or not, it's why I kept writing those letters. I wanted you home. I wanted to make things right."

"It's okay, Zuko. I didn't say that to make you feel bad. It's alright. You owe me nothing... but me on the other hand..." She almost wanted to say that she was sorry for everything she had ever done to him, but she held herself back. She simply didn't have the guts to.

"Well, I guess this is what eventually happens to kids from a dysfunctional marriage, so cheers to that."

Azula almost wanted to tell him that she wanted to help, but she guessed she'll save that for tomorrow. They clinked their bottles and laughed as the night went on.

* * *

Azula woke up feeling more tired the following day. She remembered taking Zuko in after he blacked out last night. She felt generous enough to look after him. She even provided him a bed to sleep on while she slept on the floor. It was just one night anyway.

She got up to check in on him, but the bed was empty. She then rushed outside of her bedroom, only to find out that he had actually left. Her loft wasn't that big. Her living room, dining table and kitchen were all in one big space. So it wouldn't be that hard to find him if he were still here.

She quickly noticed the prepared meal on the table. There was a letter beside the tea cup, but she decided to read it for later. Upon noticing that the tea was still hot to touch, she thought that maybe he hadn't gone that far yet. So Azula ran outside and followed her instincts. She knew he was headed towards the train station.

After going past a few blocks, she finally saw him, but she stopped right at her tracks. She catched her breath and just stood there, frozen. She just... watched him go. Again, foolishly wondering why she ever decided to pursue him.

She made a note to herself that she didn't really care, or that she wasn't even supposed to. But anxiety and fear began to creep in. Her face grew increasingly downcast as she watched his figure fade with every second passing. Was it still a good idea to catch up to him?

She couldn't seem to explain the way she felt about this. It's all so... foreign. Well, maybe it's because she dreaded uncertainty so much, and she berated herself for letting him go without saying a word.

After sparing him one last glance, she turned around and kept her goodbye to herself, without knowing that she'd be keeping it forever.

She got back home devoid of the emotions she had earlier. She noticed that the cup of tea he had left for her already lost its heat. It resembled her a lot, cold and forgotten.

If only she knew that this was going to be her last time seeing him, then maybe she could've easily changed her mind. First it was that one stupid summer in Ember Island, until it became this one stupid summer in Ba Sing Se, a distant memory she'll never think of ever again.

* * *

Azula was actually able to prepare herself some tea amidst being deep in her thoughts. She poured some on her cup and waited for it to cool down. She recalled the tea that Zuko had prepared for her that day, it was also Chamomile. She smiled at the thought and took a sip.

It was still a far cry from morning, and it was hard losing someone you thought you never had.


	3. Arrival of the Birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula and Ursa finally confront one another after years. Zuko visits Azula while the secrets are eventually revealed.

Azula couldn't help but fall asleep at the dining table, weariness from traveling overseas late at night with Kiyi finally took over. Unfortunately, this only lasted for about an hour. The sun barely rose when she began to hear footsteps approach. She was always a light sleeper for as long as she could remember. She sat up and slowly opened her eyes, consequently rubbing them so that she could see more clearly.

It appeared that a man had joined her in the dining room. He looked strikingly familiar, although she completely forgot who he was.

"Well someone's up early." He said as he casually took the seat right in front of her.

Azula quickly fixed her hair and her posture before she began to speak, "Forgive me. I remember meeting you before, but I can't seem to remember your name."

The man simply smiled in response before his face went sullen, "My condolences, it must have been hard."

Azula started with a sigh, "I'm sorry for your loss too, I believe you two must have been close to each other." she replied.

The sun rays began peeking through the windows, and it didn't take long enough before Kiyi stepped in and called out her name, "Azula?"

She turned her back and saw Kiyi leaning against the doorframe with a quizzical stare. _Kiyi_... She realized that the man was indeed Kiyi's father, and his name popped up in an instant. It was Ikem.

"Are you... are you talking to someone?" Her sister asked her out of concern.

She looked back at Ikem who sat across from her just a few seconds ago, only to find out that he wasn't there anymore.

"He was just... he was just right there, your father." Azula stammered in confusion.

Kiyi sighed and sat down next to her. With a worried look on her face, she told her "My father's been dead for 2 years now, Azula."

Azula's eyes widened as chills were sent down to her spine.

"I'm... I'm sorry to hear that." She apologized before she buried her face in her hands. She let out a tired sigh and raked her fingers through her hair with a frustrated look on her face. As much as she tried to shrug it off, she couldn't tell whether what she saw earlier was just a mere ghost, or worse, her hallucinations probably came back too soon.

"It's alright." Kiyi assured. "So I assume you weren't able to get enough sleep too?" She asked.

"No, not at all." She answered dismissively and crossed her arms, keeping her oblivious stare glued onto the windows.

Kiyi took that as a sign to maybe leave her for a while. "I'll be in the gardens for a walk, you can follow me if you feel up to it." she announced.

Without thinking twice, Azula surprisingly agreed joining her. She needed an escape, but solely being stuck in this place again after years is already a prison enough on its own. As awkward as it looks, the two of them were left with no choice but to stick together. Kiyi didn't have friends here, while Azula has been entirely alone for a while now. They weren't particularly close either, no. Their last encounter before this was when Azula kidnapped her as a child in the Kemurikage scheme. Although the two of them had already resolved that matter back in the airship on the way here. Again, it took Zuko's death for them to finally be able to form a decent sibling relationship.

Walking through the hallways felt quite nostalgic, but it was nothing compared to being in the Royal Gardens. Soon enough, they found themselves in front of Zuko's coffin once again.

"You know what people say to make you feel better in funerals, that corpses look like they're just sleeping? Well, it's not true. He looks completely dead to me." Azula remarked bitterly.

Kiyi couldn't help but agree in silence.

"Have you already thought of something to say for the eulogy tomorrow?" She asked to ease the tension, but only failing to do so because of what Azula had to say next.

"Eulogies reek of hypocrisy, Kiyi. People normally wouldn't care until the person is gone. They're supposed to make you feel that the person is still alive by honoring their memory, but to me, that makes them even more... dead." Azula told her apathetically.

Kiyi frowned at this and dwelled in her thoughts. Why did Azula seem too hurt from all of it? If her memory serves her right, she and Zuko were deemed rivals. They hated each other, but the way Azula has been reacting lately proves otherwise. To be honest, she's gone very tired dealing with all the negativity that's been radiating off of her sister since last night. She understood where it was coming from though, so she just let her be.

"I know you and Zuko didn't get along that well, but I was hoping you'd be a little more considerate, maybe put some respect to your brother's death." Ursa butted in out of nowhere, her voice filled with nothing but unmitigated hostility.

Isn't it a bit too early for all of this?

Azula froze, eyebrows slightly furrowed from the unnecessary aggressive behavior that came from her mother. She eventually turned around to face Ursa and realized that she had her old face back. For a moment there, she stood still and was lost for words.

"I'm sorry, I meant no offense... but I just... I can't." Azula genuinely apologized as she stared down to the floor. She didn't want to make things worse, but apparently, she can only do so much.

She grabbed her daughter's arm, tightening her grip as she replied uncompromisingly. "Set your reasons aside, young lady. Do it for him, that's all I'm asking."

Now this, this was absolutely uncalled for. Azula could feel the veins on her temples pulsing, as the rage that was kept dormant for years undoubtedly overtook her.

This was her first time meeting her mother in years after she ran off into the Forgetful Valley, and she did not expect things to go south too soon. There's not even a hug, or a simple "How was your trip last night?" It's not that Azula expected any of it. How does one mother hope for her child to be considerate when she herself is not?

 _"So much for being nostalgic."_ she thought sarcastically.

"Get off of me! And stop treating me like a child!" Azula yanked off her arm from Ursa's grip and stormed off, but the latter ran and followed.

Her patience was running thin. A few strides later, she came into a halt and turned around in a flash. They almost bumped into each other.

"I can't believe that even when he's dead already, everything's still about him! I mean, I get it, it's HIS funeral. But have you even considered or respected what I felt, ever? At least one ounce of it?" By this point, Azula angrily pounded her fist onto her chest to emphasize what she truly felt. Hot tears endlessly escaped from the corner of her eyes. "You don't get fucking a eulogy from me because there's literally nothing good about our relationship... and it's all because of you!" She exclaimed as she accusingly pointed her finger at Ursa in sheer anguish.

Just as expected, her cheek met a cold, hard slap from her mother. Her tears may have stung, but this one stung harder. However, she didn't feel any regret about it. She knew it was about time for her to say those words. Despite her vision being clouded by her tears, she saw that Ursa was quivering and unable to respond. With this, Azula plastered a victorious smirk on her face because she might have just told the hard truth here for once.

"Are you... are you telling me that I'm unfair?" Her mother glared daggers at her. It wasn't just a few seconds ago when Ursa looked like she was about to burst in tears, but now, there's not even a slight trace of it.

"No, maybe I'm not just saying that you're unfair..." She reiterated calmly and averted her gaze away from her mother with a frown on her face. As soon as she quickly came up with an answer, she scowled at her, and dismissively spat, "You're a horrible mother and you don't deserve to be one!" Perhaps she said too much, but she didn't care anymore.

When Azula found herself leaving, she could almost hear her mother asking, _"What is wrong with that child?"_

She found herself asking a similar question too. What is wrong with her mother? It may not be obvious to the untrained eye, but she knew the signs all too well. Not only was Ursa being irrational earlier, but the way her mood swiftly shifted from one to another, it was bizarre to say the least. The apple doesn't fall that far from the tree after all. Maybe they're all insane.

* * *

Azula was able to recuperate and gather some sleep the entire day. It was already dark when she woke up, considering that the lights weren't turned on yet. So she got out of bed and searched for the switch with a wide stance. She walked around to every corner in her room already, but her efforts remained futile. She simply wondered how she survived in a room this big for fourteen years.

Azula sighed out of frustration because she didn't want to go out to ask for help, so she contemplated on what to do. For as long as a decade, Azula had managed to successfully avoid using her firebending at all costs. It was an attempt to suppress her past, to keep it long forgotten. It was one of her several coping mechanisms.

But the universe has been testing her lately. All her efforts, along with what was left of her peace and sense of "normalcy," immediately vanished from the moment she set foot in this place. So why even worry about it now?

Azula opened her palm in defeat and tried, but it was up to no avail. Not even a spark or a smoke came out from it. She couldn't feel anything, she couldn't even feel the chi course through her veins.

Azula stopped at her thoughts as the lights suddenly turned on, as if her encounter with Ikem this morning didn't torment her enough already. She tried to shrug it off, the feeling, the fear.

Upon looking at her surroundings, she noticed that the door was left ajar. _"It couldn't be"_ she thought. She absolutely remembered closing the door before she went to sleep. Again, she shrugged off the feeling. Since she was not in the mood to leave her room, she walked towards the door to close it.

Then it just so happened that she suddenly saw Zuko walk past her room. Her eyes bulged wide open and her heart raced, but it didn't scare her, not one bit. She just stood there with her mouth slightly agape, as she observed where he was headed to. She didn't care if she was dreaming, hallucinating, or being haunted by him. She carelessly followed him, vowing to never repeat the same mistake she made way back that summer in Ba Sing Se.

She wandered with him into the dimly lit hallways while the entire palace was fast asleep. After a few turns from here and there, Zuko finally came into a stop. It appeared that he had led her in front of the entertainment room. Zuko went in first, but she suddenly found him missing when she finally walked in.

At first, she frantically looked for him. But instead, her eyes landed on the moonlit grand piano displayed in the center of the room. She was relieved by the sight of it. If there was one thing Zuko was extremely good at in their childhood, it was playing the piano. She secretly admired for him for it. Again, her mind drifted away at the thought.

* * *

_"What are you doing playing the piano dum-dum? Isn't that for girls?" She teased._

_"Leave me alone!"_

_She was about to leave, but the moment Zuko began tapping the keys, Azula found herself staying. She just watched him in pure silence as she witnessed the scenery around them transform into that of a lake under the serene, starry night, with the moon displayed in all its full glory. It's as if she was dreaming. She basked and reveled in the beauty of every note, crescendos, and the rhythmical ambiguity in it. She felt her world unfold as the dynamic build-up of the music finally reached its peak. This particular moment had resonated with her unknowingly for a long time._

_After he was done, Azula hastily masked the awed expression written across her face._

_"I want you to teach me." She demanded._

_"What's in it for me?" He asked._

_"Oh nothing... maybe I'll convince dad to let you train with us tomorrow." She grinned slyly._

_"Fine." Zuko grunted and motioned for her to sit beside him. Azula may be a prodigy, but she was surprised with how hard it actually was. To think that Zuko only introduced to her the basics first._

_"The music you were playing a while ago, what is it called?" She simply asked._

* * *

"Moonlight." Azula recalled. Back then, she was actually determined to learn it, so she did. Zuko spent the night every weekend teaching her after she trained. In exchange for that, she taught him advanced forms in firebending. Although it didn't take that long when she eventually gave up in besting her brother and admitted that his skills in playing the piano remain far unmatched.

Perhaps this was the only pleasant memory she ever had with him.

Azula decided to give his room a visit next, hoping it would at least take some weight off her chest.

"Come home, Zuko. Come home with me." She heard her mother speak right from the moment she got there.

Azula furrowed her eyebrows at the sight. What she's seeing right now, is it even real?

Ursa was all alone in his bedroom, facing the open window with a blank stare. Azula swallowed and stood quietly as she observed her mother behind the doorframe.

"Come home, Zuko. Come home with me." Ursa repeated even louder as she took a step closer to the window.

Azula could feel her senses heighten, every strand of hair on her skin rising up. Something clearly wasn't right.

"No, no, no, no... no, no!" Ursa was screaming at this point. She ran to the window sill, grasping it tightly while she bent her trunk outside, manically looking for something down below.

Is she... Is she going to jump like her brother did?

Azula on the other hand, began to feel anxious, unconsciously scratching her forearm in distress.

"Zuko, get back here! Get-" Ursa abruptly stopped, and silence easily reverberated throughout the place that Azula could practically hear her mother's labored breaths.

This was bad. Everything is.

"What are you doing here?" Ursa asked calmly before she slowly turned around to face her daughter.

Azula dared not to answer. She may found herself easily handling patients like this back in Ba Sing Se, but things always seem to be different when it comes to your own family. It was outright terrifying seeing her mother acting this way.

"Where is he? Where's Zuko? Who are you?" Ursa asked her incessantly as she too, looked very confused.

Azula kept her silence, contemplating on what to do next, until she heard someone running towards them.

"It's okay, Azula. I'll take it from here." Iroh stepped in and gently placed his hands on Ursa's shoulders in efforts to calm her down. Azula eyed the man as she grew more perplexed about this entire situation. What does he know about this?

"I heard the screams. Did she do anything to you?" He asked with utmost concern.

"What? No... What is going on with her? Is there something you're not telling me?"

Iroh almost looked like he didn't want to let her know, but he conceded. "I'll explain things after we settle her down to her room."

Azula nodded curtly as she helped her uncle take Ursa back to her room. She didn't have much energy left in her to reprimand the guards, so she just simply ordered them to keep an extra eye on her.

"Your mother was involved in an accident two years ago." Iroh gravely revealed as soon as they have gathered enough distance away from unwelcome ears.

"What accident?" She arched an eyebrow and crossed her arms, keen to find out the truth.

"She killed Ikem... in her sleep. She stabbed him several times. It was mere luck that Ikem was able to tell us that before he died on the way to the hospital." Iroh almost looked like he didn't want to continue any further, but he knew Azula deserves to know everything. "But your mother has been acting strangely even way back before it happened. Ursa would wander the palace in her sleep, like what you saw earlier... She got into a fight with Ikem nearly everyday. She once set up the Royal Garden on fire after she got into a fight with your brother and just recently, she nearly killed your sister." Iroh elaborated.

"How did that happen?" She asked in disbelief. Azula knew she hated her mother from the day she was born, but hearing those things from Iroh, it was a difficult pill to swallow.

"They were having an afternoon tea that time when all of a sudden, Kiyi fell limp. It was a good thing she was treated immediately. It turned out, Ursa placed a small trace of toxic herb in Kiyi's drink. Although your mother claimed that what happened was neither her fault nor her intention, that she didn't know what she was doing that time." He explained.

"Then... then why is she still here, uncle?! Why didn't anyone bother to address her illness? She's clearly sick." She contested. It may not sound like it, but Azula didn't say those words solely out of hatred.

"Zuko didn't want to go too far by sending her off to an institution, so he just hired a medical team to look into her condition periodically. They also covered up Ikem's death by announcing that there was an intruder that night." He clarified.

"Well obviously, they failed at their job. This isn't looking good, Uncle." She shook her head and massaged her temples.

"I know." He agreed.

"I'll try to look into her case, I'll see what I can do..." Azula offered with a puzzled look on her face, confidence clearly lacked from her tone.

"How are you, my niece?"

Azula's forehead creased with that unforeseen question from her uncle, but she answered it with honesty nonetheless.

"Not good. At this rate, I don't think I'll ever be ready to become Fire Lord. I think you should take over, uncle. The throne was rightfully yours to begin with anyway." She begrudgingly admitted.

"I put the throne way beyond me now, Azula. I believe in what you are capable of. You are certainly not who you were. I may have never watched you change like I did with Zuko, but hearing everything he said about you, it makes me proud." Iroh spoke like the wise man he always was.

"He... he told you that?" Azula felt her chest tighten against her will. She was unable to look at him directly in the eye. She didn't know how to react at all to what she just heard.

Iroh smiled and nodded as he placed a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, I'll be there every step of the way. You don't have to deal with this alone, my niece." He promised.

She almost thanked him for that, but she resorted to just giving him a reassuring smile, implying that she'd at least try.

"I've been having some trouble falling asleep lately, would you care to join me for some tea?"

This day hasn't been too kind to her at all, so she decided that she wanted to end things on a good note. Perhaps it'll be a good decision to rekindle an old flame with her estranged Uncle Iroh, even at this ungodly hour. With that, she gave him a warm smile and nodded.

"I'd like that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If anyone's wondering, the piece Zuko played in the flashback was Clair De Lune. I decided to only include the English counterpart of the title in the narrative. Have a great day!


	4. Elegy for the Lone Ember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected visitor arrives in the midst of the eulogy.

Tonight, they say their final words. Zuko's friends have finally arrived and they were all gathered inside the Royal Gardens to pay their tributes to the late Fire Lord.

Iroh started first, "This is... a song I used to sing to my son Lu Ten when he passed away years ago. I... I certainly never would've thought that I'll be... that I'll be dedicating this song to my nephew too. No parent should ever have to witness their child die. The world is as cold as it's unforgiving, but... life must go on." Iroh slowly knelt down in front of Zuko's coffin and took a deep breath before he sang,

_"Leaves from the vine_

_Falling so slow_

_Like fragile tiny shells_

_Drifting in the foam_

_Little soldier boy_

_Come marching home_

_Brave soldier boy_

_Comes marching home"_

Iroh wiped his tears as he regained his composure and stood up. There was a brief moment of silence before everyone turned around as they heard someone slowly clap from behind.

"What is he doing here?" Azula muttered as she narrowed her gaze. She was about to get up from her seat when a hand tried to stop her. She quickly turned her head sideways, only to find out that it was her mother.

Azula yanked off her arm and went off, "What? Do you think this is okay? Why is he even here? He's a criminal! Who even approved of this?"

"It's me. I approved it. It's certainly and legal and-" Ursa calmly explained.

Azula cut her off, "Legal? Do you think that's what I care about? You knew how he treated him! You protected him from that monster and now... now you actually think he deserves to be at his funeral?! Are you out of your goddamn mind?!"

Azula couldn't help but question herself with that too, does she even really deserve to be here? She didn't know.

"Azula, calm down." Iroh intervened. "Ursa, I think Azula's right. Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

"I just don't understand you sometimes mother..." she trailed off. "No, I never understood you!" She exclaimed. "You know what, I'll handle it myself." Azula declared as she strode towards the entrance where Ozai was being held captive by two guards.

"Azula..." Ursa whispered, realizing that there's no use to stopping her daughter now. She clearly made up her mind already. At the same time, she also questioned her own decision on why she ever approved of Ozai's request to visit Zuko's funeral. It was almost like she acted on impulse without an underlying reason. Maybe it's because, at the spur of that moment, she felt pity for him. Still, no matter how she tried to defend her actions, she knew deep down that it was wrong. So why did she keep doing it anyway? That, she didn't know the answer to. She felt ashamed and regretful, especially seeing Azula deal with the mess she made. She wanted to go there and face him instead of her daughter, but for no apparent reason, she just stood there frozen in fear. _"This isn't going to be good,"_ she thought, and it was all her fault.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Azula lashed out as she violently grabbed Ozai by his collar.

"Don't ask the obvious, I'm here to see my son." Ozai answered back with a venomous undertone.

"You must be happy, huh? To see him like that?" Azula stressed as she pointed towards Zuko's coffin. She let him go with a push, making him lose his balance even though two guards held him by his side.

"Oh, yes! That means you'll be Fire Lord, and someday you'll be just like me. It's you who should be happy!" He taunted as he leaned in closer to her with a grin so sinister, his topaz eyes that matched hers reek of malice.

Azula spat on Ozai and harshly slapped his face that he stumbled and fell to the ground.

"How childish, you causing a scene in your brother's funeral like this..." Ozai hissed as the two guards help him get up.

"I want him out. Take him back to where he belongs, that's an order!" She yelled before everything spirals out of control.

She watched silently as they drag him outside of the royal gardens. As Ozai eventually disappeared from her sight, she stood there idly, lost again in her own thoughts. She just ruined her brother's funeral by going out on him like that. Her entire body was trembling. She felt guilty and it didn't help that everyone was staring at her. She felt the pressure weighing down on her. She knew deep down that what she did was right, that Ozai didn't deserve to be here. But why is it that she felt as if everyone looked down on her as the bad guy again? Of course she went mad once and the whole world knew about it. Her descent to madness is what defined her as a person. What would make them think otherwise? It wasn't until later when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned her head back to see who it was.

"Azula." Aang called her name, he was surprised to see her eyes glistening with tears like she was about to cry.

She sniffed and held them back as she acknowledged his presence and uttered, "Avatar."

"Oh, just... Call me Aang." He insisted.

Azula nodded.

"I'm guessing that you're probably not okay right now, but I hope you eventually will." Aang said in efforts to comfort her.

"Well, what do you know?" She blurted out. She immediately scolded herself for that response and told him a sincere "Thank you."

"So... it's been years, huh?" Aang started.

Azula let out a short laugh and said, "Don't mention it."

* * *

_"Why did you do that?"_

_"What? Steal? Assault someone?" She scoffed. "I think you know the answer to that already, officer. What does it matter to you? Whatever my reason is, I'll be ending up in jail anyway, right?"_

_She couldn't even recall how she ended up here or how she got caught. What's there left to lose anyway? She's an escapee from a mental institution and a war criminal. No one needed her back home, no one cared. Her life is beyond ruined before it even began. Now, being a convict for some petty crime is just icing on the cake. How delightful. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. But she was just a child, a fourteen-year-old when her life began to spiral down. She didn't need to be strong, she needed someone, but no one came for her._

_"Actually, no. You're still a minor so someone will have to take custody of you." He clarified._

_Azula laughed, "I already told you that I don't have a family so why don't you just lock me up, and let's get this over with."_

_"We'll put you in an orphanage, that's the law around here." The officer reiterated._

_"I said I don't want it! Just lock me up and leave me there to rot!" Azula shot back._

_That was more than enough to horrify the poor officer. Azula smirked at this. She was in shackles and yet she still managed to intimidate someone._

_"What is wrong with you kid?" He warily asked._

_"Everything!" She yelled. It was true though, there's no doubt about it._

_The officer couldn't help but pinch the bridge of his nose as she's becoming very hard to deal with. From the corner of her eye, Azula spotted someone familiar coming towards their way._

_"Is there anything wrong here?"_

_That voice, it couldn't be._

_The officer sighed in relief as his head shot up, "Avatar Aang, it's a good thing you're here. This young lady here doesn't want to comply with being sent off to an orphanage, she wanted to -"_

_Aang cut him off as he pulled a seat from behind and sat in front of Azula, "I'll take it from here, officer. Please give us some room."_

_The officer got up from his seat and respectfully bowed to Aang before he left._

_"Well what a coincidence. So I guess you're here to turn me in, huh? Why don't you do it? Right here, right now. I don't care." Azula started._

_Yes. She didn't care anymore. What's the point and meaning to all this? Why did people have to suffer when they're all going to die in the end anyway? That's how she simply understood things. She wanted to do it badly but for some reason, she just... couldn't._

_"No. I won't turn you in." Aang said._

_"And because?" She asked._

_"I just won't." He answered._

_She sneered and chuckled condescendingly, "You're pathetic. You'll regret this, Avatar. It's your loss."_

_"I'll go talk to them, you're free to go now."_

_"I'm not leaving until you tell me your reasons, Avatar." Azula demanded._

_Aang didn't answer her question. Instead, he told her something she wouldn't want to hear "Zuko, he's worried sick about you."_

_Azula simply smiled, "You must be mistaken, I don't have a brother."_

_No matter what chance she'll get for redemption, no matter how many chances she was given for her to finally come home, things will always end up the same. She's been given a chance years ago, so this was not about destiny or circumstance, the problem was her._

_"Here, take this," Aang told her as he handed out what appeared to be a compilation of documents. "This is my first time doing something illegal, you know." He jokingly said. "But I want to help so that you'd be able to secure yourself a decent job, so you won't have to resort to uhm... Stealing or..." he awkwardly explained but he was cut off when Azula snatched the documents from his hands and left without a word._

_Surprisingly, though, the course of the wind had changed that day. She worked so hard ever since the day she was born, so what difference would things make? She had no one by her side and yet she was still able to redeem herself. From that day onwards, she decided to change for her own sake. Indeed, she has come a long way._

* * *

"You said to me on that day, that I'll regret not turning you in. Seeing you now, I'm glad that I didn't." Aang told her with a comforting, warm smile.

Azula smiled and nodded, she could feel her chest tighten that she almost wanted to cry. "I guess I can't help but feel the same way." she admitted.

"You'll make a good Fire Lord, Azula. I honestly think you would." Aang placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled reassuringly.

"Let's hope for the best." Azula replied.

Later that night, Azula and the Gaang decided to confront one another to discuss about the fate of the Fire Nation.

"Where were you for the last ten years anyway? It's like you totally disappeared after that Kemurikage scheme you plotted." Sokka asked.

Despite the fact that she had prepared for this and it kept her up at night entirely, she still didn't know how to explain what she even went through. Surely, they wouldn't believe a single word she would tell them.

Azula always lies. That's what he always said. Was it still true? She didn't know.

"Well, she's my colleague three years ago in Ba Sing Se Hospital." Katara interjected. Azula nearly forgot about that. Katara was the head nurse back when she had just finished her internship. At first, and as expected, both of them didn't get along very well. Eventually, Katara saw through Azula's persistence and her potential, realizing that she wasn't the same person that she was before, especially after her last encounter with Aang. She respected her privacy and didn't tell anyone about her until now.

"What?!" The others exclaimed in unison.

"I'm currently a psychiatrist in Ba Sing Se... it took me nearly a decade of studying if you're wondering what I've been doing away for so long. So no, if you're thinking I'm planning on overthrowing Zuko or taking over the throne, you're wrong." She defended herself. "I'm actually doing good on my own for years. Now, becoming Fire Lord after everything I've ever worked hard for is like a hard slap to my face, it's as if the universe is playing a joke on me."

Everyone went silent after that.

"I know you guys don't trust me but I don't trust myself either." Azula reluctantly started. "I've spent fourteen years of my life thinking that the throne was meant for me, but now that it's finally happening, it doesn't feel right to me at all."

"Azula, we all might not be in good terms with you before but we're ready to help you. It's what Zuko would've wanted. I'm ready to put the past behind us." Aang spoke.

"Yeah, I think Zuko would be happy to see us supporting you." Sokka awkwardly scratched his head and agreed.

"Me too." Toph agreed as well.

 _"Well that was easy."_ Azula thought. She was totally waiting for them throw insults at her and threaten her. But maybe because they were all adults now, maturity predominates and forgiveness comes easy.

Azula nodded, but she didn't see it coming when the Gaang suddenly crushed her as they all got into a group hug. She smiled at this as her heart felt lighter. When she got here, everything was so dark and grim. But this instance enabled her to look beyond the facade of this funeral. She jokingly told them, "So I guess this a hazing ritual you did to Zuzu when he got into your group?"

* * *

Later that night, Ursa unexpectedly received a knock from her door. She opened it and saw Azula standing there. Ursa already knew what this is going to be about. To her surprise, her daughter didn't look as angry as she was earlier.

"I just want to know why mother... Why did you let him here?" She asked. She was apparently calm, but her voice remained stern.

"Please forgive me, Azula. I admit my mistake... I wasn't thinking straight that time... I'm sorry you had to go through all that in front of everyone." Ursa sincerely apologized.

"Oh... okay." Azula responded. Although it wasn't that convincing, not even one bit, Azula conceded. She guessed hearing that she admitted her mistake was enough, she was just too tired to argue now. She left and walked away when she heard Ursa utter something.

"That night I went to you first."

She paused and turned around, raised an eyebrow, and crossed her arms, "What are you talking about?"

"I think... I think you're mad at me for not saying goodbye to you when I left that night... I just wanted to let you know that I went to you first before you saw me in Zuko's bedroom. I just thought you deserved to know that, Azula. I'm sorry for the mess I've made, I should've woken you up that night before I left." Ursa explained with a deep frown on her face.

"What difference do you think it'll make, mother? What's done is done. I've heard enough from you... you calling me a monster, asking yourself what's wrong with me? You think I didn't know that?" Azula pointed out. Still, she wasn't mad. She actually felt relieved. After all those years, she finally got to get these things off her chest.

Ursa came closer as she tightly embraced her daughter in tears, "I'm sorry for saying those I... I didn't know you heard them I... I was wrong. I love you, Azula."

"I think you need help, mother." Azula blurted out.

She let go of Azula in shock and met her gaze, "What... what do you mean?" She nervously asked.

"Ikem? Last night in Zuko's room? Uncle told me everything. I think I know what's going on with you and I'm willing to fix it." Azula bluntly revealed before she turned her back and walked away.

"Azula, wait..." Ursa whispered as she tried to follow her daughter, but she only fell to her knees as she cried in distress.

Azula briefly halted in her tracks when she heard those stifled sobs that came from her mother. She held back her tears and continued walking towards her bedroom. That night, she was finally able to fall asleep peacefully after a number of turbulent and rampant thoughts kept her awake for two consecutive days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: As always, thanks for reading and let me know what you think! :)


	5. The Ascension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How it all started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy reading this one! :))

He wanted to come home now, and yet he was home. But at the same time, it felt like he wasn't. He's been like this for Agni knows how long, aimlessly pacing around his room with the convolutions of his brain knotted up into a huge mess. Has it been days? Weeks? Months? Does it even matter to him anymore? He didn't anticipate to carry all this weight with him until now. He just thought that it would come off naturally, that he'd heal with time. He thought he'd do well, that if he was able to pull himself from the depths before, he was sure he'd be able to do it again with ease. More than that, he had someone to rely on. No, it was more than just someone. He had his mother, his uncle, his step-sister, and his friends. But that didn't seem to be enough to fill the void in his chest that relentlessly grew over time. Had he known... had he known by that time, then maybe he wouldn't have left without a word.

Perhaps he was going mad, maybe they were all inherently mad and his sister was just the first person to succumb to it.

His senses were dampened, as he could only hear the constant ticking of the clock, which was in synchrony with every step that he took.

It was three in the morning and he had nothing else better to do. This has been his routine for as far as his mind could tell, tiring himself just enough so that he could easily put himself to sleep, so that exhaustion could drown the deafening thoughts that kept him up.

This night proved to be different though.

They were there, he swore he saw them down there. He heard them call out his name, begging for him to come home. He knew they'd come back for him. He knew that she couldn't bear to raise their child without him, that they'd eventually come back as expected. His heart raced. He longed for them. He suffered so much in years that he had lost and wasted a significant amount of time in his life. But those didn't matter to him anymore. They were back, finally, it's all that matters to him now. It's what he had wanted for so long, and now it's finally here right in front of him. He was so excited that he wanted to join them in an instant.

So he did.

It was a quarter past three when Fire Lord Zuko had plummeted to his death from his bedroom window, and a quarter past six when Azula jolted up from her sleep somewhere in Ba Sing Se.

She gasped for air, anxiously touching her face and her surroundings to confirm if she was truly awake already. She dangled her legs off the edge of her bed and began to make sense of what she had just dreamt of, while it was still fresh and vivid from her memory.

_It was a man. She saw a man eerily standing right in front of her window, facing away from her. His ambiguous form gave off this spectral glow that she couldn't quite comprehend. Her head tilted slightly as she eyed him warily from her bed. She fought against the idea of going near him, but she couldn't seem to resist the urge and found herself approaching him later on. And just when her fingertips are about to close in on his shoulder, he vanished._

_But then, dreams aren't supposed to be logical, aren't they? Not that she was aware that she's dreaming, it all felt too real._

_His disappearance gave way for her to witness the crimson skies outside, laced with intermittent bouts of thunder and lightning. She didn't know what to make out of it, but it didn't instill fear nor amusement. She glanced around her surroundings until her gaze landed down below. She saw the man there, drowning in his own pool of blood that matched the color of the skies, body grotesquely distorted, and his mouth agape. She swore she could hear something come out of it as his lifeless eyes gave off an intense stare. It was piercing._

_Her vision became faltered, aberrant. The background was reduced into a blur, zooming out while his corpse came zooming in. It was disorienting. His mouth grew wider, his voice even louder. It was incessant, incoherent, unbearable. She was slipping into a vertigo-like trance. The entire world around her rotated. The gravity shifted in such a way that her body fell outside of the window to meet his ascending body._

_She was going to crash right into him and she braced herself for it. She forcibly squeezed her eyes shut and waited, but that never happened. His voice ceased and was replaced by this shrill noise ringing in her ears. As she slowly and reluctantly blinked her eyes open, his face was only a few inches away from her and he muttered something that she finally understood._

_"I'm home."_

Azula immediately got up to take a look. She released a sigh of relief when she saw that no one was down there below. She drank a glass of water in efforts to calm herself down, but it proved to be useless. She also knew that going back to sleep would do her no good, so she just thought of waiting for the sun to completely rise in the east, but a thick layer of grayish clouds prevented her from doing so.

Perhaps the heavens mourned for him too soon, but she didn't know that just yet. Perhaps it was best for her not to. But there are things that simply can't be helped.

It was four in the morning when Kiyi was abruptly woken up from her slumber due to the commotion in the hallway. She heard loud running footsteps going back and forth. The mention of his name from the guards was a signal for her to leave her bed, and finally check what's going on outside. Upon opening her door, the sight of her mother standing in the doorframe startled her.

"Your brother's home. He's safe now. Don't worry." Ursa told her gently as she let out a soft smile while caressing her daughter's face.

Those words rang a bell to her ears, it all sounded too familiar and she knew what it meant. Those were the exact same words that came out from her mother when her father died not so long ago. Kiyi's eyes grew wide in fear and began to brim with tears. She sputtered, "what... what do you mean, mother?"

Ursa giggled before she hugged Kiyi and shushed her. She asked back, "Don't be silly. Why that look on your face? Zuko's finally home, isn't that supposed to make you happy?"

Her heart violently pounded against her chest that she could practically hear nothing but her own heartbeat. Kiyi already knew what she meant by that, and yet her mind was scattered everywhere, fractured, traumatized. For a moment there, she felt frozen and helpless.

She forcefully wriggled herself free and ran away to find him.

* * *

The morning came without the sun, but the rain didn't pour. She preferred it that way. It was gloomy, yet peaceful. She brewed herself a cup of tea as she prepared to waste her entire day procrastinating. It was unbecoming of her former self, but she does this on purpose; a coping mechanism, as a psychiatrist would say. Just like keeping her firebending unused for years, undoing everything associated with her past is one way to keep herself sane. And it worked just fine.

Until it didn't.

It was an hour past noon when she thought that someone had broken into her loft. She heard a rattling noise from the kitchen. Who would dare do this in broad daylight?

"Zuko? How the fuck... how did you get in here?" She stammered in bewilderment.

He didn't answer, didn't even spare her a glance. He walked past by her as he went for the front door.

"You didn't just dare barge in my house without an explanation, now you even have the guts to ignore me?!" Azula snapped.

Zuko stopped in his tracks for a while. He still didn't budge. He eventually turned the doorknob, pulled it open, and stepped outside.

She clenched her jaw and fists before she burst, "Fine. Leave! It's what you're good at anyways."

Azula was right though. What happened years ago, it haunted her. She couldn't stop thinking about it. What was that? Why was he here all of a sudden? Was he okay? Did he need her help? Was he in trouble?

She didn't know.

She never knew.

She was abruptly driven away from her thoughts as she heard a knock from her door.

Maybe it was him again.

She opened it in an instant, but instead of seeing her brother, a familiar face unexpectedly showed up in front of her.

She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms, "Kiki?"

First it was Zuko, now her. Ba Sing Se sure was a weird spot to pick for a vacation.

"Kiyi." The young woman standing before her corrected.

She sighed and rolled her eyes before she spat, "Whatever. If you're looking for Zuzu, he left already. I'm sure you two crossed paths on the way here without noticing it. I also don't know where he went, so don't ask me. Leave."

Kiyi couldn't believe what she just heard. Azula wanted to slap that inquisitive look off of her face. She was annoying, everything is. Hadn't she said enough? Didn't she understand that? Does this insolent step-sibling of hers think she was lying? How dare her. How dare they.

"Alright, if you're not leaving, then I will." Azula was about to slam the door when she heard Kiyi say something that prevented her from doing so.

"Azula, Zuko's dead."

Ascension. Both of them were bound for that; Zuko to the afterlife and Azula to the throne. But what goes up must come down. Madness loomed over their heads in plain sight, pervasive and ruthless like a predator prowling on its prey, dormant until it takes over and festers. She descended first before he did, but she was able to pull herself up from the depths.

Will she be able to keep it that way?

Or will she let herself be consumed by insanity again?

Madness was like a benign tumor with the potential of being malignant. It killed Zuko. What makes her think that it wouldn't come after her for the second time around?

But what matters now is that she's coming home too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I hope you liked this chapter! I also feel like taking out most of the bulk from the last chapter. That one felt too rushed for me and I just realized by now that I didn't like most of what was written there. Am I allowed to do that here? Tell me what you think about this one! :))
> 
> I also wanted to clarify that his death and Azula's dream occured simultaneously. I just kind of considered the time difference between the Fire Nation and Ba Sing Se, if that wasn't clear. Thanks again!


	6. Departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula and Zuko finally meet for the second time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this update took a long while. I've been planning to upload two chapters at once, but I appreciate everyone who's been reading this and I would like to thank you guys for your patience. This chapter may be short, but I hope you enjoy reading it.

Death. She had this weird longing for death. What is it exactly?

She found it so bleak as if she was treading through shallow, murky waters in trying to look for some answers. For all we know, it's a word we simply use to describe when an existence of someone, or perhaps something else, cease. More than that, it's actually impossible to obtain your own definition of it until you experience it yourself. Understanding the definition of death as we live is just merely scratching the surface, nothing but a rudimentary meaning of it. Now, witnessing someone's death is one thing. However, experiencing it yourself and becoming one with it is another.

Death is a double-edged sword. For one, death is beauty because it entails peace in its purest and most pristine form, relieving someone of his or her mundane existence in this pathetic excuse of a world, of life's tragedies and agony, then replacing it with permanent solitude. How beautiful it must be, to close your eyes and embark on an eternal sleep. How beautiful it must be, for a person whose thoughts kept him or her awake ruthlessly at night, to permanently close their eyes and never wake up again. It must be beautiful indeed, to become one with death, to become one with the soil as critters eat away your flesh until what's there left to see is a carcass of what you once were.

Oblivion.

It is through death that we value life itself, compelling us to live not just for the sake of existence alone. It's is through death where we discover and pull life's meaning out of the depths of oblivion. At the same time, it is through death where we all fade into oblivion, to be forgotten in due time as every second passes by, never to be seen again. It must be scary for some, but not for her. She relished in the idea of it.

Death. She had this weird longing for death. And perhaps she was about to know what it was exactly.

It isn't that much of a big deal. At least before. Never once in her life, until now, that she questioned the most commonly asked: where do people go after they die? Not even in her grandfather's funeral. She just never found the urge to care even the slightest. Now, now she wondered where Zuko went, or at least how he died exactly. Questions like these relentlessly bugged her lately, such as; is the afterlife even real or does everything just turn black and numbness completely takes over all of your senses when you go?

Thinking about it now, if she were to die, she wanted it to be quick. She found herself asking if Zuko died instantly right on the spot because if not, she assumed that he must've felt excruciating pain from the fall. First was the pain right from the impact, then there comes next the pain seething gradually through his body as he awaits for the inevitable. Did his life flash right before his eyes before he went? Was there even an ounce of regret from those last few moments?

She wanted to know that. Badly.

"Why are you leaving all of a sudden? The burial is tomorrow." Kiyi asked as she caught sight of Azula preparing a war balloon for take-off.

"I don't want to be Fire Lord." That's what Azula intended to tell her. Instead, she went with "I just have matters to tend to in Ba Sing Se. It wont take long though, I'll be back early tomorrow morning before it starts."

Perhaps she really didn't want to become Fire Lord. She treated his death and her ascension to the throne as a curse, sucking the life she established for herself in solace away from her.

She was on the brink of losing control all over again.

She wanted to disappear again and never come back. She didn't want to take the responsibility weighing down on her shoulders. More than that, she wanted some closure. She wanted to talk to Zuko badly. But for some weird reason, she felt like it's never going to happen at all. With that, she propelled the war balloon into the air and waved Kiyi goodbye.

The weather was rather fine for the first few hours of her journey, but then the sun rays were shunned out from the sky as grayish clouds merged and took over by noon. Soon, several raindrops began to fall down with increasing intensity. Heavy gusts were also present and it was more than enough to cause turbulence. Azula knew what she had to do. She had to go higher up above, closer to the stratosphere before this small inconvenience develops into a full storm.

She held on tighter to the steering wheel and pulled it forcefully, enabling the war balloon to gather more height. Without a warning, blinding lights occluded her vision in a split-second. Great. The last thing she needed was a migraine when navigating through a goddamn storm. The raucous, and rattling engine noise combined with the abrupt change of the weather probably triggered it off.

She lost control all over again.

But then, Azula was born lucky, wasn't she?

She arrived in Ba Sing Se without a scratch and went straight to the hospital to check things.

"Doctor, it's good to see you again." Her secretary greeted.

Azula smiled and nodded in return as she replied, "Yeah, it's been a while." She added, "How are things going around here lately?"

"Oh, Dr. Suwon is handling your patients just fine for the past few days." Her secretary answered.

"Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to take charge of today's shift. I need to catch up with my patients anyway, please tell him that."

Her secretary gladly obliged, "Right away, Doc."

She wore her coat and went inside her clinic as the day began with her treating and providing consultation to her patients early in the morning. It didn't take long enough before a man warily entered in. It was a man whose face was hidden as he held his head down and wore a hood.

"Good morning, and you are..." She greeted first before she scrambled through her desk and looked for her clipboard to confirm the man's name as he sat down slowly on the chair right in front of her desk.

She read it out loud, "Mr. Lee." She continued, "My apologies for the long wait, we usually have a huge influx of clients at this time of the day."

After receiving a lack of response, she steadily observed the man fidgeting with what appeared to be a coin from his pocket. With that, she could easily tell that he seemed pretty worked up and anxious so she proceeded to speak to him calmly, "I'm here to evaluate you before I recommend you some treatments and medications. So, why don't we start with your primary concern? Why are you here? What do you need help with?"

Still lacking a response, she was about to snap him out of his thoughts by knocking on the wooden desk, but his head shot up abruptly and she suddenly became lost for words.

"Zuko? What... Why are you here?" As much as she was good at hiding it, she couldn't afford to suppress the shocked look on her face. No, she wasn't mad at his presence. Perhaps she was just stunned to see him in her clinic, of all places, after so long.

After so long since the day she ran but let him go.

"This was a mistake! I never knew you were... nevermind."

Before she even knew it, she was running again to pursue him. And this time, letting him go is not an option.

She ran through the busy hallways as she adamantly followed him. Running and running as the hallways gradually turned from the hospital's trademark white walls and tiles, into bloody red, crimson walls and dark golden tiles.

 _"Daddy's gonna kill you."_ The voice sung.

"Zuko, wait!" She shouted between labored breaths while she's still running from behind to follow him.

 _"Daddy's gonna kill you."_ The voice sung again and this time, it grew louder.

"If you could just listen to me!" She added.

 _"Daddy's gonna kill you."_ Louder.

"I'm tired of your lies Azula!" Zuko retorted.

 _"Daddy's gonna kill you."_ And louder.

"Zuko, I'm sorry! I'm sorry, okay?! I'm sorry, for everything!" Azula begrudgingly admitted, in desperate hopes of making him stop.

 _"Daddy's gonna kill you."_ The voice sung with a whisper and Zuko finally stopped right in front of her that she nearly bumped into him.

He turned around with a smile, reached out his hand to her and finally said, "Azula, come with me."

Azula couldn't help but smile back and tried to catch her breath as she remembered the promise she made for herself, to never repeat the same mistake she did back that summer in Ba Sing Se. She answered him back in an instant without hesitation.

"I'd be happy to."

"Let's go home now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, it might appear that Azula being suicidal was kind of OOC but considering her personality in the comics, I thought it wouldn't be that much of a far cry. Anyways, kindly let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!
> 
> Also for clarification, if perhaps you caught some inconsistencies in this chapter, that was purely intentional. :)


	7. Dona Nobis Pacem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where it all ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter, everyone. I'm so glad and thankful for all of the readers of this story! I really intended this to be a short story only, seven chapters to exactly match the title itself. I hope you enjoy reading this one! :))

Azula found herself back in the Royal Palace again. Today was her coronation day after Zuko's burial. She was getting herself ready, pacing back and forth mindlessly, when she suddenly stopped in front of the full-body sized mirror inside her room again. She stared right back at her reflection and stood there frozen as she was hit with a sense of familiarity.

Her mother was standing just behind her and she didn't even notice her presence beforehand.

Azula raised an eyebrow and asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I didn't want to miss my own daughter's coronation." Her mother replied back, smiling. That smile, Azula loathed how fake-looking it was. She balled her fists and clenched her jaw, deep inside, after all these years, she knew her mother still viewed her as a monster despite redeeming herself and keeping her distance.

Azula was not liking this, not one bit. She dared not look back at Ursa as her stare remained glued to both their reflections.

She kept her silence while Ursa remained standing still behind her, the smile unwavering. With a frown, she lifted up her right hand from the side, then she steadily stretched out her arm right in front until her fingertips made contact with the mirror. Slowly, cracks began to form from the peripheries until it reached the center, distorting the obscene imagery flashing before her eyes, making it seem more bearable to look at.

Soon, the mirror shattered completely with shards of glass uncontrollably thrown into various projectiles. She didn't even flinch, she didn't care if she was going to get hurt. She wanted this to get over with anyway.

Without warning, she heard the door open as a voice simultaneously spoke to her. It was Kiyi.

"Azula? It's about to start." She said.

She turned her head sideways towards her step-sibling, nodding back and acknowledging her presence. She told her, "I'll be right there."

Kiyi smiled before she closed the door and left.

The moment Kiyi was gone, she looked right back at the mirror and was surprised to see that it didn't have any cracks on it at all. Ursa was gone, and so were the shards of glass scattered on the floor earlier. She took a deep breath and slapped her cheeks repeatedly in hopes of bringing herself back to reality. If this was even reality at all.

She calmly made her way to the mourning ceremony and intently watched as the Fire Sages finally buried Zuko in the catacombs.

She knew what was going to happen next.

_The day she left with the war balloon, Azula made it back in Ba Singe at dusk. She went straight to her apartment, dazed without a trace of intention on why she did so._

Azula sat on the throne with Fire Sages surrounding her, facing a whole crowd with Kiyi, Ursa, Iroh, and the Team Avatar in front.

_Upon her arrival, Azula entered the apartment and made her way to the kitchen. She opened a drawer and grabbed a knife. She brushed her fingers against the sharp edge with pure awe, her eyes gleaming with joy._

The fire sages lifted the crown and placed it gently on top of her head.

_Azula lifted the knife with both hands and placed it on top of her head._

"We hereby declare our new Fire Lord Azula!"

The crowds' cheers echoed in her ears, contorting into sounds filled with malice and hostility. Tampering with her senses violently until she was one with the darkness.

_It all ends here now._

* * *

"Your highness, we found her. She's inside."

Kiyi went back to Ba Sing Se while Ursa chose to stay behind in the palace. Azula has been missing for a whole week now since the day before her coronation and Zuko's burial. Iroh readily volunteered to be the interim Fire Lord as they search for the lost princess.

Her travel was grueling and tedious. Her hands held on tightly to the rails the whole time as she imagined things she didn't know she was capable to even think of. She understood where Azula was coming from, her reasons, why she backed down. She admired her sister's resilience, but unfortunately for her, Kiyi had no idea on what's about to come. Not even the slightest.

They found her.

Kiyi entered Azula's apartment, it was filled with investigators, evidence flags placed on several furnitures where she landed her eyes on.

"Are you sure you want to see her?"

Kiyi's body was trembling all over. They already told her the moment she arrived. She was about to break. It's evident and written all over her expression. She took a deep breath and adamantly told the officer without hesitation, "Yes."

They lead her to kitchen. Azula was there, lying in her own pool of blood, a knife handle protruding from the top of her head.

Kiyi covered her mouth in shock as she felt weak on her knees. Her shins slumped down to the floor with an audible thud as she finally knelt down and cried. She felt someone rubbing her back in consolation, she didn't care to look back as she couldn't break her stare away from Azula. That until she heard the person speak.

"Your sister's home. She's safe now. Don't worry."

Kiyi's eyes grew wide as her breaths became louder, heartbeats even faster, pounding against her chest wildly.

"M-mother? What are you doing here I thought..." a bewildered Kiyi managed to mutter out.

Ursa shushed a nervous Kiyi as she enveloped her in an embrace and ruffled her hair gently, "Let's go home now, Kiyi." She told her.

Kiyi gulped and bit her lip in frustration as she heard those words come out of her mother's mouth. She grit her teeth hard and fought the urge to lash out, "Stop! Stop saying that. You're not real... Are you? You stayed behind..."

"But we'll be safe there... we'll be safe at home. Let's go home now, Kiyi." Her mother repeated sternly.

Kiyi screamed in agony to make the voice stop as she raked her fingers through her hair and clutched it tightly.

"Stop! Please make it stop!" She begged in tears as she covered her face with her palms, catching her breath.

Ursa was gone.

"Kiyi, come home with us." She heard a voice speak to her and she exactly knew who it was. She quickly removed her hands away from her face as she looked up to see both Zuko and Azula standing in front of her.

"Let's go home." Zuko told her.

Kiyi sniffed and wiped her tears away. With a smile, she answered him back.

"I'd be happy to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: So, that's it everyone. I actually had trouble thinking about the ending though and even I, myself, am unsure of how I'm gonna write it. For the last time, kindly let me know what you think and thanks for reading this :))
> 
> For clarifications again, with regards to Azula's perspective of the "coronation," the ones written in italics were reality and everything else was a figment of her imagination before she died.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kindly let me know what you guys think!


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